I was working on a proposal for a potential client for days on end, trying to figure out how to make it work for them and us.
I was working on a proposal for a potential client for days on end, trying to figure out how to make it work for them and us. I crunched numbers; I implemented a solid strategy. I did everything I thought for sure was going to get me to work with them.
At the 11th hour, they email me and tell me that they have to move on. They didn’t see this working in their favor. They wished me luck.
No hard feelings, right? I mean, it’s business, and things happen.
But I couldn’t get past it. I was pissed. Not at them, but myself. I immediately went down this dark rabbit hole of what the hell did I not do, right?
What is wrong with me? Am I not good as I think I am at my job?
I did this for quite some time. Pacing in my house back and forth, externally processing my frustrations out loud.
It’s perfectly natural to me to talk out loud, walking around my house airing my grievances. Someone was to see me like that; no doubt in my mind, I would be seen as a crazy person.
Then in the middle of my ranting and pacing back and forth, something came to me.
I immediately turned inward and ripped myself a new one for a reason and decision that was not my choice nor was a fault. They chose not to work with me for their own reasons—strictly business, not personal.
Yet, I made it personal in my own head. I created a dialogue about how unworthy I was to work with them.
I told myself I was not enough of a professional without ever hearing it from them. I made it up in my head.
We do this all the time.
When something doesn’t work out in our favor.
When a date we thought was incredible ends up being the one and only.
When a promotion we thought we deserved gets passed onto someone else, we immediately devalue who we are.
We blame ourselves.
Why do we do this? Why do we create fault instead of acknowledging the result as is?
Maybe it’s because it’s easier for us to accept the outcome of something or someone to blame.
When I was pacing around in my kitchen, I thought I could fix what happened by blaming myself for not being enough to that prospect and processing everything out loud until I found an answer.
Yep, that’s my M.O. - walk around like a general in the tent, like a philosopher pondering the mysteries of the universe until either God or some divine inspiration hits me upside the head and yell, “Hell yeah, I know what happened.”
Well, I got hit upside the head, alright, but it wasn’t solving the mysteries of the universe. It was a divine interruption, not inspiration telling me,
“Liguori, this is the perfect time and place for you to love on yourself harder than ever.”
What a concept. When things don’t work out, when life hits you in the face, love yourself harder.
When shit hits the fan, when it’s not going your way, love yourself harder.
If I did that every time a result didn’t work out in my favor, I could get over it and move on.
I could let go of every result with a not meant for me attitude, not a why me attitude.
I could create more intentional moments for me to live in rather than to wish.
So I did. I complimented myself. I let go of the result. I surrendered to my humanity by embracing who I am.
Not everything is meant for me. Not everything is meant for you. The things that are will be the ones that stay. The rest will go.
In the meantime, love yourself harder. Every time. It’s a practice.
It’ll get harder the more powerful the result of something not working out.
But it’ll be worth it.